Wow ... Life is So Vulnerable ... Savor the Moment

Hi Everyone,
Well, I just returned from a quick weekend in Austin, TX. I went there to surprise one of my best friends for her 60th birthday party AND, as always, to spend some time with my son and friends who live there. It was a fabulous weekend ... well, mostly.

There is much to say about that visit and about what happened just before and just after.

Most of the time, I feel really young in spirit and attitude and in health. Sure, I have the perennial 20 pounds to lose, but overall, look and feel pretty darn good for age 63. However, some of the time, I feel ancient .... aches, pains, low endurance and mentally, well, feel like I suffer from CRS (can't remember sh-t!).

Let' me start at the beginning.
Well, actually, it was a tough start to the year. I lost my last brother. His name was Shelly, he was 74 and he died after a long battle with metastatic cancer. It was tough in the end. I miss him. He loved me unconditionally and was always there for me ... especially late at night when I just wanted to talk. Then, within weeks, I lost a "surrogate" Mother -- a woman I've known from my youth. She died of a heart attack on an airplane, on her way to Israel, from Miami.
Now, I suppose that as we age, we expect we'll lose more people. It's normal; but never easier. I lost many when I was young too and have never done well with death.

Anyhow, more recently, a friend (really an acquaintance) died suddenly of a heart attack. I'd seen him less than a week prior. It was a shock to us all. He was a great man, a benefactor, a loving husband, father, etc.

So you can see .... lots of death ... and then ... the day before I went to Austin, was the dual loss of Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson. Both boomers, both icons from my youth and young adulthood. Both too young. Farrah from cancer ... bravely; Michael from that which kills many celebrities ... drugs and hard living. No matter what people thought of Michael ... I always liked him and felt sorry for him. He was an unhappy man who never had a childhood, was awkward in his skin.. and yet so incredibly talented.

Message: We never know from one moment to the next what will be next. There is only the moment.

So, now to this past weekend. My friend was totally surprised by my presence and honored that I would fly in for her. I spent great time with my son and I saw my sister-in-law after not seeing her for 7 years (since my divorce.) While it was nice to see her, it was unsettling .. reminded me of much unpleasantness. She talked of the death of her husband, her sister .... lots of sadness.

I know I digress .. but I'm getting to a point here.

While in Austin, I developed a severe cold and dreaded flying home with plugged up ears and congested head. Ugh! I had two flights ... one to Chicago and then another to NY. I bought little ear screw in plugs to open the passages and it helped. But, about an hour into my first flight, I had an "incident." I tell you, with a little embarrassment ... but there's a point.

I was sitting in my seat. I felt myself overcome with something ... My body was fluttery, my hands shaking and numb, I was sweating and I could barely breathe. I headed to the restroom... thinking I might vomit. (Yes, I know this is graphic.) I didn't. I asked the flight attendant for water and juice and they let me sit in the rear jumpseat. They gave me a damp cloth to put on my head/neck. I was able to relax and I determined it was a panic attack (something I've experienced at other times in my life.) I eventually returned to my seat, slept and was fine.

While at Midway Airport in Chicago, I debated ... should I take the next flight or stay in a hotel overnight and relax? I decided I wanted to get home to my own bed. It was a good call. I didn't have another panic attack. I did have a lot of ear pain with this dumb cold... but I got home safe and sound. I went to bed immediately and slept for 10 hours.

Now, why do I write all this?
There's much.
These are tough times. I admit I have less business then I've had in years and am striving to figure out what else to do to create more. I'm 3 years in NY in my new home and although I have friends here, I'm not "as" close as I am to my lifetime friends who are elsewhere. I'm sort of "alone" in a big city. It's daunting at times.

Now, here's the point. NO MATTER WHAT ... I AM THRILLED TO HAVE RE=STARTED MY LIFE... I have NO regrets.

ReInvention is never easy .. it can be anxiety-producing. Stuff happens all around us .. some we can control, some we cannot. The important thing .. I NEVER give up .. I put one step in front of the other and I keep on trucking. I do what I know how to do. I network, I write, I promote. I know I'm here because I'm supposed to be AND I know I'll find my way in staying here and I'll figure out what my next steps are.

I could let the panic deter me. I could curl up and get under the covers. I could move back to Austin, even though I no longer love it there. But, I don't.

And now .. for you. What is it you want to really be doing in your life that you're willing to be anxious about and yet do anyhow?
As I often say... Aw, what the heck ... do it anyhow!

So, live life today to the richest level ever. Don't watch the news too much.. it's unpleasant and unsettling. Make sure you love those you choose to... and tell them so every time you speak to them.
Live the moment .. it's the only one you have.
Grow old with grace, take care of yourself as best you can.. but also make sure you laugh and have tons of fun along the way.

Thanks for letting me rant on. Yesterday was the first time I actually felt vulnerable .. like I could die on an airplane. I was in touch with my mortality. It was not fun AND, it was enlightening.
Now, it's about living... as fully as I can.

Have a great day.