How I Sabotage my Greatness ... and it Has to Stop!
Hi Everyone,
I had quite an epiphany tonight and wanted to share it. It might sound like I'm bragging, and that's only to make a point.
Let's start at last night and lead to tonight.
Last night I had a date with a very attractive, age-appropriate, sexy man. It was out second date and it was delightful. We seemed to really enjoy each other. We went out for a drink, and then dinner.. and then needed to walk off the calories of the great burgers we ate. So, we walked along the Hudson River and Riverside Park on the Upper Westside. It was a gorgeous night... clear, moderate. It was romantic. We held hands, talked and periodically stopped for a nice, sexy, juicy kiss. Wow! Rockets were going off for both of us. (Now, not to fear ... we're not going to get provocative here... nothing more occurred in the realm of romantic behavior.)
Anyhow, as part of that walk and talk, I found myself "apologizing" to this man about ways I don't match up to him. He works out, rides his bike, swims ... has a really fit, thin, attractive body. Me, I'm a bit of slug lately, have put on a few extra pounds. I honestly was telling him about my lack of confidence in the way I look. He, of course, politely indicated that he wasn't concerned about that. He likes my look, thinks I'm sexy, etc. And, we have another date set up, so he must obviously be telling me the truth.
I'm sure that he sees much more to me than just my physicality. I, in typical "female" behavior, only saw how I look as my way of attracting him. Funny.
Now, here the rest of the story.
Tonight, I was asked to attend a 3-hour meeting for people I volunteer with. I wasn't excited about going. I could think of other more fun ways to spend a Friday night. However, I said I would go .. I gave my word I would attend. So, of course, I went. I decided that I would be open to getting something from being there.
The leader of the meeting wanted us to know that she wanted to empower us ... not just for the ways we serve the group, but for ourselves. She began talking about all the automatic ways we behave ... like how the little voice in our head often says things that disempower us .. and furthermore, how we often listen to that voice like it's the truth. She had us listen in for a bit.
My internal voice said things like: you're chubby, you're getting old, you're not at the top of your game, you're always wanting to be right, you're so reactive, etc, etc.
Then, she suggested that we are so much more than how we think of ourselves in our head ... and added, "But, the little voice will never stop." So, knowing we can always be sabotaged to the darkside ... how can we, instead, empower ourselves to be MORE? How can we acknowledge who we really are?
(Here's where the bragging and then the "aha" moment/ the epiphany comes in.)
As I looked at myself, I acknowledged all the great things: I'm beautiful (for my age), I'm extremely smart, well-spoken and accomplished. I'm well-educated, teach university level, speak all over the country to huge audiences, have coached and consulted in high-powered corporations. I've written two books and am working on another .. not to mention (lest we forget) that at age 60, I sold everything and moved to NY for a new adventure. Wow .. sounds cool!
So ... here's the insight. I allow the little voice that sees all the negatives to rule the amazing woman that I am. I forget how much I've achieved, how many people I've helped over the years (as a therapist, as a speaker, coach, etc.) How silly of me to focus on my 20 extra pounds, my not-perfect physicality?! Every man out there should be drooling over the amazing woman that I am.
And, the final step in the class tonight was to declare a new statement of what my life is dedicated to. Here's what I came up with: I am a strong, intelligent woman who's purpose in life is to lead and inspire .. authentically .. in every moment. When I write, when I speak in front of a room .. that's what people get. That's what they can count on me for.
As you can imagine, I left the class on a "high." I inspired myself.
By remembering this .. my image of myself will change on a dime.
Whatever had me, a rather sassy and unconventional woman, buy into the "skinny, sexy" look or the belief that that's all a man wants? Why did I sell out to that? (That's probably a whole different post.)
For now, I ask you ... Who are you .. I mean, really?
Can you learn to embrace yourself, love yourself ... all aspects of yourself?
I WILL ... from now on.
Thanks ... and as always, I'd love to hear from you.
Ann
I had quite an epiphany tonight and wanted to share it. It might sound like I'm bragging, and that's only to make a point.
Let's start at last night and lead to tonight.
Last night I had a date with a very attractive, age-appropriate, sexy man. It was out second date and it was delightful. We seemed to really enjoy each other. We went out for a drink, and then dinner.. and then needed to walk off the calories of the great burgers we ate. So, we walked along the Hudson River and Riverside Park on the Upper Westside. It was a gorgeous night... clear, moderate. It was romantic. We held hands, talked and periodically stopped for a nice, sexy, juicy kiss. Wow! Rockets were going off for both of us. (Now, not to fear ... we're not going to get provocative here... nothing more occurred in the realm of romantic behavior.)
Anyhow, as part of that walk and talk, I found myself "apologizing" to this man about ways I don't match up to him. He works out, rides his bike, swims ... has a really fit, thin, attractive body. Me, I'm a bit of slug lately, have put on a few extra pounds. I honestly was telling him about my lack of confidence in the way I look. He, of course, politely indicated that he wasn't concerned about that. He likes my look, thinks I'm sexy, etc. And, we have another date set up, so he must obviously be telling me the truth.
I'm sure that he sees much more to me than just my physicality. I, in typical "female" behavior, only saw how I look as my way of attracting him. Funny.
Now, here the rest of the story.
Tonight, I was asked to attend a 3-hour meeting for people I volunteer with. I wasn't excited about going. I could think of other more fun ways to spend a Friday night. However, I said I would go .. I gave my word I would attend. So, of course, I went. I decided that I would be open to getting something from being there.
The leader of the meeting wanted us to know that she wanted to empower us ... not just for the ways we serve the group, but for ourselves. She began talking about all the automatic ways we behave ... like how the little voice in our head often says things that disempower us .. and furthermore, how we often listen to that voice like it's the truth. She had us listen in for a bit.
My internal voice said things like: you're chubby, you're getting old, you're not at the top of your game, you're always wanting to be right, you're so reactive, etc, etc.
Then, she suggested that we are so much more than how we think of ourselves in our head ... and added, "But, the little voice will never stop." So, knowing we can always be sabotaged to the darkside ... how can we, instead, empower ourselves to be MORE? How can we acknowledge who we really are?
(Here's where the bragging and then the "aha" moment/ the epiphany comes in.)
As I looked at myself, I acknowledged all the great things: I'm beautiful (for my age), I'm extremely smart, well-spoken and accomplished. I'm well-educated, teach university level, speak all over the country to huge audiences, have coached and consulted in high-powered corporations. I've written two books and am working on another .. not to mention (lest we forget) that at age 60, I sold everything and moved to NY for a new adventure. Wow .. sounds cool!
So ... here's the insight. I allow the little voice that sees all the negatives to rule the amazing woman that I am. I forget how much I've achieved, how many people I've helped over the years (as a therapist, as a speaker, coach, etc.) How silly of me to focus on my 20 extra pounds, my not-perfect physicality?! Every man out there should be drooling over the amazing woman that I am.
And, the final step in the class tonight was to declare a new statement of what my life is dedicated to. Here's what I came up with: I am a strong, intelligent woman who's purpose in life is to lead and inspire .. authentically .. in every moment. When I write, when I speak in front of a room .. that's what people get. That's what they can count on me for.
As you can imagine, I left the class on a "high." I inspired myself.
By remembering this .. my image of myself will change on a dime.
Whatever had me, a rather sassy and unconventional woman, buy into the "skinny, sexy" look or the belief that that's all a man wants? Why did I sell out to that? (That's probably a whole different post.)
For now, I ask you ... Who are you .. I mean, really?
Can you learn to embrace yourself, love yourself ... all aspects of yourself?
I WILL ... from now on.
Thanks ... and as always, I'd love to hear from you.
Ann
Labels: being sexy, Empowerment, Parent/child relationships
posted by Ann Fry, Head Boomer at
11:30 PM
1 Comments:
The images with which we are raised are very tough to put aside as they are like a favorite old shirt...just too comfortable to abandon even when the holes and rips are visible.
Guys are bombarded with the "be a man-don't cry-you're 'less than' if you don't look like the cover of GQ" mesaage, while women are told it's sacreligious to be "overweight', the standard of which is cosmo, glamour, a dozen other magazines all screaming abiout flat abs and 99% of the images on TV.
I like to keep in mind the sage advice of the late great Bill Hicks..health nut Jim Fixx dies early while jogging and Keith Richards still walks the earth. I was born with the perfect body, as a perfect child of God (which we all are), just the way it is. Soul and spirit are infinitely more important that appearance.
Unlearning all we have learned is a full time job, unfortunately. If we all practiced being in the moment instead of worrying what is "not", maybe life would get a bit more peaceful.
Post a Comment
<< Home