Anxiety, Depression and Cancer -- and How to Handle It
Hello Everyone,
It's been five days since my last post here. Sorry. I originally thought I would write daily, but that hasn't proven to be the case.
As I speak with people in this demographic, I learn how many of them have already had bouts with challenging illnesses and those that have great anxiety about getting a major illness as they age. It seems universal.
The past few days have been mostly anxiety filled for me. I had to have a gynecological test done for irregular cells on my last PAP smear. It was definitely not high on my list of fun things to do. I was nervous, shaking in anticipation. I nearly fainted... not because of the test itself, but because of the anxiety of "could there be yet another cancer growing in my body?" I won't know for about a week what the results of the biopsy will show. I hate waiting... AND, yet, if it's not good news, I really don't want to know.
I've always thought that knowledge is power .. you know, once you know what you're facing, you can then move forward; but not knowing is misery. Well, I'm not sure that works for me in this moment. I'm sort of not wanting to know what's next AND, at the same time, I know that if I do know .. that gives me power to make choices and take actions. It's a double-edged sword. I've always had a part of me that wanted to keep my head in the sand and not look up (well, at least about myself and those that I hold close.)
So, the gynecological probe is still pending. Here's the rest of the story.
I know I have surgery set on the 22nd of September. I know they'll remove a lump from my breast and a few lymph nodes (to check) and they'll scoop out wide margins to leave me clean. They'll sew me up, send me to recovery, and send me home. I'll be uncomfortable for a few days.
I know I'll travel to Texas to make a visit to my son and friends about 3 weeks later. This will provide psychological "normalcy" for me.
Hopefully, before the trip to Austin, I'll meet with an oncologist and know what the recommendations are for chemotherapy ... like, when we start, what the protocol will be, how I can expect to feel, how long it will go, etc. That will give me peace of mind. Right now, with none of this info at my fingertips .. well, my mind just runs on with possibilities .. and you know what, they're never very positive ones. My fear and anxiety run rampant.
So, what's a woman to do with fear and anxiety, short of having the portion of my brain that thinks that way removed (as in lobotomy)?
Here are a few suggestions I've come up with OR that have been suggested to me by friends and professionals.
1. Negativity is a habit .. it can be replaced with another habit. So, when I have a negative thought, I can transform it into another, more useful, workable phrase, like: "So What." or "Lighten Up"
2. Create a list of What You Have to Live For ... and post it where you can see it.
3. Create a list of positive things you can say to yourself... I call it my "mantras" .. for example: My body is sick, but I am FINE. OR I produce miracles for myself and others. And, I love this one (I read it in an article): When life looks like it's falling apart, it may just be falling in place.
4. Think (and this is hard) of all the good things about having cancer and treatment. Examples: I won't have to pay for haircuts or color jobs .. I'll save money, I won't have to go to work some days, People will wait on me hand and foot and bring me food and great gifts. Most importantly ... the process will help me discover "who I really am." And, I'll be able to use that information to help others.
5. Don't forget to laugh and be playful and have fun.. wherever possible. This one is hard. I must admit that in the last 2 1/2 weeks I've definitely cried more than I've laughed, but I am to turn that around. So request of those around you that they help you with this one ... ask them to go to funny movies with you, to laugh with you, etc.
We're facing a long weekend. I'm amazed at how many of my friends are reaching out to schedule fun activities with me. I'll temper that with getting rest, meditating, walking and doing some writing.
You know, even when you're sick ... life goes on!
Enjoy!
Ann
It's been five days since my last post here. Sorry. I originally thought I would write daily, but that hasn't proven to be the case.
As I speak with people in this demographic, I learn how many of them have already had bouts with challenging illnesses and those that have great anxiety about getting a major illness as they age. It seems universal.
The past few days have been mostly anxiety filled for me. I had to have a gynecological test done for irregular cells on my last PAP smear. It was definitely not high on my list of fun things to do. I was nervous, shaking in anticipation. I nearly fainted... not because of the test itself, but because of the anxiety of "could there be yet another cancer growing in my body?" I won't know for about a week what the results of the biopsy will show. I hate waiting... AND, yet, if it's not good news, I really don't want to know.
I've always thought that knowledge is power .. you know, once you know what you're facing, you can then move forward; but not knowing is misery. Well, I'm not sure that works for me in this moment. I'm sort of not wanting to know what's next AND, at the same time, I know that if I do know .. that gives me power to make choices and take actions. It's a double-edged sword. I've always had a part of me that wanted to keep my head in the sand and not look up (well, at least about myself and those that I hold close.)
So, the gynecological probe is still pending. Here's the rest of the story.
I know I have surgery set on the 22nd of September. I know they'll remove a lump from my breast and a few lymph nodes (to check) and they'll scoop out wide margins to leave me clean. They'll sew me up, send me to recovery, and send me home. I'll be uncomfortable for a few days.
I know I'll travel to Texas to make a visit to my son and friends about 3 weeks later. This will provide psychological "normalcy" for me.
Hopefully, before the trip to Austin, I'll meet with an oncologist and know what the recommendations are for chemotherapy ... like, when we start, what the protocol will be, how I can expect to feel, how long it will go, etc. That will give me peace of mind. Right now, with none of this info at my fingertips .. well, my mind just runs on with possibilities .. and you know what, they're never very positive ones. My fear and anxiety run rampant.
So, what's a woman to do with fear and anxiety, short of having the portion of my brain that thinks that way removed (as in lobotomy)?
Here are a few suggestions I've come up with OR that have been suggested to me by friends and professionals.
1. Negativity is a habit .. it can be replaced with another habit. So, when I have a negative thought, I can transform it into another, more useful, workable phrase, like: "So What." or "Lighten Up"
2. Create a list of What You Have to Live For ... and post it where you can see it.
3. Create a list of positive things you can say to yourself... I call it my "mantras" .. for example: My body is sick, but I am FINE. OR I produce miracles for myself and others. And, I love this one (I read it in an article): When life looks like it's falling apart, it may just be falling in place.
4. Think (and this is hard) of all the good things about having cancer and treatment. Examples: I won't have to pay for haircuts or color jobs .. I'll save money, I won't have to go to work some days, People will wait on me hand and foot and bring me food and great gifts. Most importantly ... the process will help me discover "who I really am." And, I'll be able to use that information to help others.
5. Don't forget to laugh and be playful and have fun.. wherever possible. This one is hard. I must admit that in the last 2 1/2 weeks I've definitely cried more than I've laughed, but I am to turn that around. So request of those around you that they help you with this one ... ask them to go to funny movies with you, to laugh with you, etc.
We're facing a long weekend. I'm amazed at how many of my friends are reaching out to schedule fun activities with me. I'll temper that with getting rest, meditating, walking and doing some writing.
You know, even when you're sick ... life goes on!
Enjoy!
Ann
Labels: breast cancer, breast cancer blog, cancer help, cancer treatment, health anxiety
posted by Ann Fry, Head Boomer at
11:12 PM
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