Trying to Feel "Normal"
HI Everyone,
I've had an interesting couple of days .. thought it was time to catch you more up to date.
On Sunday, I walked in the Susan Komen Race for the Cure. Just diagnosed, no surgery or chemo yet ... and I walked as part of the troupe. It was weird. I sort of wondered what I was doing there. I've walked it in the past (in Austin) .. but just to be supportive.. not ever thinking I would walk it for myself. It was inspiring, and it made me sad. I saw so many families, unified and together. The women wore signs saying "10 yrs, 2 months Cancer Free" (example) I wanted my son there marching with me.
So, I called him later and we talked and I vowed that he and I will walk together next year .. either in Austin or in NYC ... and my banner will say _____ months Cancer Free. I cried a bit.
Then, yesterdy, Monday, I flew to Des Moines, Iowa to speak to a conference today. I felt totally "normal" .. just flying someplace for a "gig." It's what I do. I speak .. and I usually get on a plane and fly someplace to do that. I had no anxiety, I wasn't thinking about cancer... I was just going to say some things in front of an audience and hoping they would find a piece that might inspire them.
And, this morning, I woke up early and excited to do that. I rocked! They loved me. And, then, I got back on a plane and flew home to NYC. It was sort of bittersweet ... the last paid speaking engagement I have this year. And, with the surgery and then chemo ... I don't know when I'll do this again.
While on the flight returning to NY, I felt a little bit of anxiety ... realizing what I'm coming back to... and I breathed through it.
I think I want more of these "normal" moments for the next 6 days. After surgery, I'm thinking I won't feel normal for a bit.... and especially once the chemo starts, I definitely won't feel normal. I'm yearning for normal and regular. I kind of want my life back. .. and I guess that's NORMAL.
So, for the next 5 days, I'm working like I always do ... networking, mini (free) presentations. I'm gonna play on the weekend and pretend that all is well.
Then, on Tuesday morning, I'll show up and let them do their surgery thing on me ... and a new phase of my life ... the next "iteration" of my ReInvention will be in motion.
The good news is: I'm not crying every day anymore. I seem more reconciled and accepting of where I am.
The bad news is: I'm loving my hair ... and it's been looking particularly good lately ... so much harder to think about losing it. Oh well... a small price to pay ... considering the alternative.
That's my ramblings for now.
Keep tuned.
Thanks... and happy rest of week to you all.
Ann
I've had an interesting couple of days .. thought it was time to catch you more up to date.
On Sunday, I walked in the Susan Komen Race for the Cure. Just diagnosed, no surgery or chemo yet ... and I walked as part of the troupe. It was weird. I sort of wondered what I was doing there. I've walked it in the past (in Austin) .. but just to be supportive.. not ever thinking I would walk it for myself. It was inspiring, and it made me sad. I saw so many families, unified and together. The women wore signs saying "10 yrs, 2 months Cancer Free" (example) I wanted my son there marching with me.
So, I called him later and we talked and I vowed that he and I will walk together next year .. either in Austin or in NYC ... and my banner will say _____ months Cancer Free. I cried a bit.
Then, yesterdy, Monday, I flew to Des Moines, Iowa to speak to a conference today. I felt totally "normal" .. just flying someplace for a "gig." It's what I do. I speak .. and I usually get on a plane and fly someplace to do that. I had no anxiety, I wasn't thinking about cancer... I was just going to say some things in front of an audience and hoping they would find a piece that might inspire them.
And, this morning, I woke up early and excited to do that. I rocked! They loved me. And, then, I got back on a plane and flew home to NYC. It was sort of bittersweet ... the last paid speaking engagement I have this year. And, with the surgery and then chemo ... I don't know when I'll do this again.
While on the flight returning to NY, I felt a little bit of anxiety ... realizing what I'm coming back to... and I breathed through it.
I think I want more of these "normal" moments for the next 6 days. After surgery, I'm thinking I won't feel normal for a bit.... and especially once the chemo starts, I definitely won't feel normal. I'm yearning for normal and regular. I kind of want my life back. .. and I guess that's NORMAL.
So, for the next 5 days, I'm working like I always do ... networking, mini (free) presentations. I'm gonna play on the weekend and pretend that all is well.
Then, on Tuesday morning, I'll show up and let them do their surgery thing on me ... and a new phase of my life ... the next "iteration" of my ReInvention will be in motion.
The good news is: I'm not crying every day anymore. I seem more reconciled and accepting of where I am.
The bad news is: I'm loving my hair ... and it's been looking particularly good lately ... so much harder to think about losing it. Oh well... a small price to pay ... considering the alternative.
That's my ramblings for now.
Keep tuned.
Thanks... and happy rest of week to you all.
Ann
Labels: breast cancer, feeling normal, forced reinvention, Komen walk
posted by Ann Fry, Head Boomer at
10:48 PM
2 Comments:
Thanks Ann for sharing all you are going through. Know you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Mary Kay Morrison
AATH Board member
Humor Quest http://www.questforhumor.com/
Just found your site. I'm struggling with some of the typical male boomer issues. I've had some health scares with 2 mini-strokes. I can only imagine what you are experiencing. I think you have a real passion for life and I believe that will go a long way in helping you deal with your upcoming surgery and recovery. Sharing can be helpful to you and us! All the best!!
2passion
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