Wow ... Life is So Vulnerable ... Savor the Moment

Hi Everyone,
Well, I just returned from a quick weekend in Austin, TX. I went there to surprise one of my best friends for her 60th birthday party AND, as always, to spend some time with my son and friends who live there. It was a fabulous weekend ... well, mostly.

There is much to say about that visit and about what happened just before and just after.

Most of the time, I feel really young in spirit and attitude and in health. Sure, I have the perennial 20 pounds to lose, but overall, look and feel pretty darn good for age 63. However, some of the time, I feel ancient .... aches, pains, low endurance and mentally, well, feel like I suffer from CRS (can't remember sh-t!).

Let' me start at the beginning.
Well, actually, it was a tough start to the year. I lost my last brother. His name was Shelly, he was 74 and he died after a long battle with metastatic cancer. It was tough in the end. I miss him. He loved me unconditionally and was always there for me ... especially late at night when I just wanted to talk. Then, within weeks, I lost a "surrogate" Mother -- a woman I've known from my youth. She died of a heart attack on an airplane, on her way to Israel, from Miami.
Now, I suppose that as we age, we expect we'll lose more people. It's normal; but never easier. I lost many when I was young too and have never done well with death.

Anyhow, more recently, a friend (really an acquaintance) died suddenly of a heart attack. I'd seen him less than a week prior. It was a shock to us all. He was a great man, a benefactor, a loving husband, father, etc.

So you can see .... lots of death ... and then ... the day before I went to Austin, was the dual loss of Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson. Both boomers, both icons from my youth and young adulthood. Both too young. Farrah from cancer ... bravely; Michael from that which kills many celebrities ... drugs and hard living. No matter what people thought of Michael ... I always liked him and felt sorry for him. He was an unhappy man who never had a childhood, was awkward in his skin.. and yet so incredibly talented.

Message: We never know from one moment to the next what will be next. There is only the moment.

So, now to this past weekend. My friend was totally surprised by my presence and honored that I would fly in for her. I spent great time with my son and I saw my sister-in-law after not seeing her for 7 years (since my divorce.) While it was nice to see her, it was unsettling .. reminded me of much unpleasantness. She talked of the death of her husband, her sister .... lots of sadness.

I know I digress .. but I'm getting to a point here.

While in Austin, I developed a severe cold and dreaded flying home with plugged up ears and congested head. Ugh! I had two flights ... one to Chicago and then another to NY. I bought little ear screw in plugs to open the passages and it helped. But, about an hour into my first flight, I had an "incident." I tell you, with a little embarrassment ... but there's a point.

I was sitting in my seat. I felt myself overcome with something ... My body was fluttery, my hands shaking and numb, I was sweating and I could barely breathe. I headed to the restroom... thinking I might vomit. (Yes, I know this is graphic.) I didn't. I asked the flight attendant for water and juice and they let me sit in the rear jumpseat. They gave me a damp cloth to put on my head/neck. I was able to relax and I determined it was a panic attack (something I've experienced at other times in my life.) I eventually returned to my seat, slept and was fine.

While at Midway Airport in Chicago, I debated ... should I take the next flight or stay in a hotel overnight and relax? I decided I wanted to get home to my own bed. It was a good call. I didn't have another panic attack. I did have a lot of ear pain with this dumb cold... but I got home safe and sound. I went to bed immediately and slept for 10 hours.

Now, why do I write all this?
There's much.
These are tough times. I admit I have less business then I've had in years and am striving to figure out what else to do to create more. I'm 3 years in NY in my new home and although I have friends here, I'm not "as" close as I am to my lifetime friends who are elsewhere. I'm sort of "alone" in a big city. It's daunting at times.

Now, here's the point. NO MATTER WHAT ... I AM THRILLED TO HAVE RE=STARTED MY LIFE... I have NO regrets.

ReInvention is never easy .. it can be anxiety-producing. Stuff happens all around us .. some we can control, some we cannot. The important thing .. I NEVER give up .. I put one step in front of the other and I keep on trucking. I do what I know how to do. I network, I write, I promote. I know I'm here because I'm supposed to be AND I know I'll find my way in staying here and I'll figure out what my next steps are.

I could let the panic deter me. I could curl up and get under the covers. I could move back to Austin, even though I no longer love it there. But, I don't.

And now .. for you. What is it you want to really be doing in your life that you're willing to be anxious about and yet do anyhow?
As I often say... Aw, what the heck ... do it anyhow!

So, live life today to the richest level ever. Don't watch the news too much.. it's unpleasant and unsettling. Make sure you love those you choose to... and tell them so every time you speak to them.
Live the moment .. it's the only one you have.
Grow old with grace, take care of yourself as best you can.. but also make sure you laugh and have tons of fun along the way.

Thanks for letting me rant on. Yesterday was the first time I actually felt vulnerable .. like I could die on an airplane. I was in touch with my mortality. It was not fun AND, it was enlightening.
Now, it's about living... as fully as I can.

Have a great day.

Working Out, Dodging the Rain... and Keeping on Truckin

So, I started my Boomer Boot Camp experience 3 weeks ago. So far, I'm sore, but progressing on the workout part; however, I'm still eating everything in site. My trainers are great, especially Joshua ... he is supportive, understanding and doesn't get rattled by the bitching and moaning of us "oldies." There's only 3 or 4 of us in the group and he's so patient. He asks what hurts and he suggests ways to tweak the exercises to do good and to still honor our aches and pains.

I'm analyzing my progress. First, I'm so angry at myself for being so out of shape. How did I let that happen? Second, I'm seeing the parts of my personality that are so disgusting .. the complaining and whining. Third, I'm really disgusted with how I'm eating and I realize why. Here's my rationalization: I hardly drink, I don't do drugs, I'm currently NOT having sex ... so "don't take away my food." My food is comfort for me at the moment. I mean, look, a girl's gotta have some pleasure in life, right... I mean some pleasure of a physical nature.

Now, perhaps there's a man out there who has something else to offer? Send me an email, a picture and some references and I'll consider it.
Hey, my sense of humor is always in tact!

And, if anyone knows a good health magazine that would be interested in this boomer ... from before to after ... getting fit, let me know. Joshua and I would love it. Remember to check him out at www.mindovermatternyc.com

So, I'll continue to keep you in the loop.

As for other things ... it's been raining for more than 30 days in NYC and yet it's predicted to continue for several more. I hate it. This is a walking city, so there's lots of walking through puddles, with umbrellas. But, the worst part: all the bad hair days. I am a total frizzhead these days.

If I ruled the world, it would rain at night when we're sleeping OR in the evening when we can snuggle up with a warm body and enjoy the romance of the falling rain.
I'm hoping Mother Nature will hear me on this.
The rain also gets me a bit depressed... I'm a sunshine woman and want to be outside, walking, lolligagging, etc.

I hope you all have a great rest of the week .. I'll be back soon.
Happy Summer wherever you are.
Ann

Nearly Two Weeks of Shaping up

Well,
It's Sunday ... two days before the 2 week mark of my bootcamp workouts.
How am I doing? Not well. First, I haven't gained control of my eating yet. I'm still eating poorly ... well, not as badly as before, but still too much and still not all healthy.
Second, I'm walking a lot in between the workout... but probably not enough.
I'm walking around my apartment avoiding the mirror, feeling flabby and concerned that I'll never lose it. I'm wondering if I'll ever be thin again and all that goes along with that ... like, will I be attractive to men, will I ever feel confident about my body again? And, of course, will I be healthy?

I wonder if I'm becoming my Mother, who was heavy and never exercised or my older brother who died earlier this year ... very heavy and in bad shape. I don't want to copy this pattern.

I wonder what it will take for me to make this happen. Help???
I also wonder if my knee/leg hurting is related to the heavier body work I'm doing. That would be entirely unfair ... like, I finally start getting more physical and then I can't? Definitely not fair.

I think, well, if I was really in a relationship with a man... THEN I would be motivated to be thin. I know that's hogwash AND I also know that if a man is ONLY attracted to me for what I look like, I'd be insulted .. that would be small-minded. But, am I lying to myself? Sure, I definitely want to look good for a man.

I don't want to wait for a diagnosis of something that would then "demand" that I lose weight. I want to be proactive ... so again .. if anyone can help me with this, please......

Actually, I see this is a pattern in my life... it goes like this: Why is it that I don't do what I know I should do to get the results I want? It's a sabotage thing. Well, there you have it .. I'm not perfect.

I'd love your comments.
And, remember, I never, ever, ever give up ... so keep tuned.
Have a great week.
ann

Check out Joshua at www.mindovermatternyc.com

It's been a Week and a Day

Hi all,
Boy do I hurt. Yesterday was one week since I started my fitness routine and I gotta say ... I'm really hurting.

I walked to Central Park at 6:00 last night for my 6:30 workout. She worked us really hard and by the end, I was in agony .. my knee hurt, my feet hurt, my chest hurt. I practically limped home. Well, first I stopped at the grocery store to get some protein for dinner, came upstairs, took off my workout clothes and sneakers. My knee was blown up, so needed ice... with helped.

I awoke this morning and pumped myself full with Motrin and Glucosomine ... I mean, look, I knew I was going dancing tonight and a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. And, to make it worse, I had plans to go to IKEA today and I knew that meant at least a couple of hours on my feet on a concrete floor ... then, dancing.

I might not be losing weight yet, I might be bitching and moaning and complaining ... but no matter what, I will continue.
Yes, I did go to IKEA ... the meds kicked in, so no problem.
I did go dancing ... forgot to take more meds and wow... didn't take long for the knee to swell up and my legs to ache. I did, not, however let that stopped me .. I kept on dancing. then, of course, I had to walk home.

It's late, I'm ready to go to bed and will take my ice pack into the bed with me.

Yes, it sounds like all I'm doing is complaining ... but the truth is...it's just a form of expression. And, the one thing you should all know about me is that I don't give up. I know I'll turn a corner (soon I hope) where I'm happy about working out. I'll start to see some results to reinforce it. I'll be dancing the "yahoo" dance where I'm excited and celebrating my looking good.

Keep tuned. Tomorrow I'll have time for a nice walk along the Hudson (unless it pours).

In other news ... I had my fourth date with a great guy. He's the one I went dancing with and to IKEA .... and he likes me. that's cool!!

Have a great couple of days.
Ann

Day 5 .... Getting Fit

Happy end of weekend,
Well, I went to my second bootcamp yesterday morning at Central Park. It was really tough. I did as much as I could and I limped home...my arthritic knee feeling the results of too much fitness. What can I say ... I'm not 25.. I'm 63. My body doesn't do all those things that many younger then me can do.

I don't bend, fold or contort that well. And, I breathe really hard when trying to run up and down the stairs at the Fountain in Central Park ... not to mention the push ups, etc. But, the important thing here .. I AM taking it on!!!

I followed up with eating everything in site ... burger, fries, chocolate cookies .. and that's after committing to my health counselor that I would change my eating habits.
What always happens when I commit to changing my food regimen is that I immediately go into deprivation ... I know the things I love will be removed from the OKAY list So I crave them more than ever. It's like a squirrel gathering his acorns ... just in case there won't be enough for the Winter .. only with me .. I eat it all, in ALL seasons!

My excuse: I don't do drugs, I hardly drink, I'm NOT having sex these days ... so DON'T take away my food. I mean, a girl's got to have some pleasure in life.

So, what to do?
I finally went to the grocery store today. I bought fruit, veges, healthy 7grain bread, and all the rest of the recommended foods. I stocked up. Now, the trick ... eat what's in my frig rather than eating poorer choices in restaurants.

Wish me well.

Meanwhile, I walked all over this city and I thought positive thoughts ... "I'm sexy, I'm happy, I'm open to being in love, I'm great, I'm successful, etc." I must admit the little hop in my step was greater with these thoughts.

So, I invite you to take on yourself ... commit to whatever you want to achieve.
Let's do it together.
Remember, I'm doing it with Joshua .... www.mindovermatternyc.com
Happy New week!!!
Thanks,
Ann

Day 4 ... and other news

Hi Everyone,
Well, it's 4 days since I committed to getting more fit and losing weight. How am I doing?

I had a very busy day yesterday ... early morning networking event, then a looong walk from that venue to Grand Central station to meet up for my next meeting. Then, a train back up town and a long walk to meet yet another person. Lots of street walking, but it was a beautiful day. I ate well early in the day, but sort of blew it later. I had a fundraising event, with great "starters" and brownies and a glass of wine. What can I say? Mea culpa! Then, a dinner date ... more, what can I say?

The biggest challenge for me is the eating out and being social. I never have more than a glass of white wine and I make fairly decent choices, but I know I could be much better.

I'll go to a bootcamp in the morning and that will be great... and the eating thing, well that will develop a bit more slowly as I begin to choose more wisely.

Meanwhile, I want you to know about Joshua ... he's young and fit and committed to helping "mature" people with his boomer bootcamps in Central Park, so if you live in NY, check him out. www.mindovermatternyc.com

On a sad note, a friend died suddenly of a heart attack and I'm heart sick. I fear I'm getting to the age where that will begin to happen more readily ... a motivator, for sure, to get healthier AND to live a life of fulfillment.

What will you choose today to live a more healthy and fulfilled life?

Have an awesome Friday, wherever you are.

Thanks,
Ann

Day 2 of Getting Fit -- Ouch

Hi All,
Well, last night was the night I had my first workout at the bootcamp. It was really great and I felt very proud of myself.
I woke up this morning and barely felt any pain. it was my intention to go dancing tonight and get some momentum on this workout thing. But, the rain was awful, I was tired, so day 2... I was a slug.

Now, I have to report, that at 11:30 p.m. (about 28 hours after completing the workout) I HURT. MY muscles that spread across my chest from one armpit to the other .. wow! And, my calves. As long as I don't have to raise my arms, I'm fine. I'm going to go to bed early.

My trainer, Joshua, is excited to see how I do. As of this moment, I'm not happy with him. I mean, I never like those that hurt me. :) Seriously, he's excited to take me on and to see my progress.

Today I also agreed to start watching my diet. I had a session with a health counselor and agreed to start keeping a food diary tomorrow. I also agreed NOT to lie. So, I guess I'll have to either eat well so I feel good about telling the truth OR, I'll have to bear the burden of disclosing my putrid eating habits. Guess I'll see what comes out. Of course, I'll be starting that first day with a breakfast networking deal, a coffee business meeting, a fund-raising event at 6:00 and then a dinner date at 8:00. I'll be interested to see how I do. Cross your fingers for me that I'll make some good choices ...

Other than the getting healthy deal ... there's always the news. But, since I rarely read or listen to the news these days, I have little to react to.

Sad about the "lost" airplane that blew up. Seems there's more to this one then we see.
There's the story coming out tomorrow about Bernie Madoff's sons and their continued statements of knowing nothing. We'll see.
Conan O'Brien is doing night 3 as the new Tonight Show host.

Thaaaaat's all folks.
Have a great sleep.

Okay ... so I'm Taking it on ... My Fitness ... Ugh!

Hi Everyone,
So, for months I've been bitching and moaning about how chunky/ chubby I'm getting. And, of course that's all I've been doing. I haven't been taking any real action to change that concern. Well, I have taken action in the realm of eating ... but in the opposite way ... eating way too much.

But, I let me digress. About 14 months ago, I had knee surgery. It fixed the tear, which was great news. I was now able to walk much better, and without a lot of pain. While there was some residual arthritis, I was really motivated to get stronger and more fit. So, last Summer I was committed. I started walking .. a lot, not just city walking here in NYC, but speed walking along the Hudson River in Riverside Park. I also started eating in a more healthy way. Result: I lost 10 pounds and I felt sexier and healthier and had a lot more energy. That lasted from last March/April through the end of November. Then, along came holidays ... and Winter.

Suffice it to say, I ate too much, walked too little and have now noticed that I added that 10 pounds I lost back on, plus a couple more. Ugh!!! I feel sluggish, really chubby and don't have a lot of confidence about my sexual attractiveness because of it.

Now, back to the purpose here: I got an email about a Boot Camp for boomers that started tonight. Yup, every Tuesday night, along with other baby boomers here in Manhattan, we're meeting at the beautiful fountain in Central Park and participating in an excruciating hour of upper, lower body exercises plus lots of aerobic walks around the fountain in-between. It's killer and I know it will make a difference for me.

Now, for me to get to Central Park first is about a 25 minute walk ... then the one hour workout and then 25 minutes back. That's a lot. I worked muscles I didn't know I had ... and then some. I'm very confident that I will hate Joshua in the morning when I find it difficult to get out of bed. Now, it's nearly midnight and the pain hasn't set in yet, but he definitely promised us that it WILL show up.

I'm going to blog several times a week about this new adventure I've taken on .. The Bootcamp that will turn this 63 year old into a gorgeous, sexy creature so that men will be crawling all over me.

My previous excuse... "I don't do drugs, I hardly drink, I'm NOT having sex ... so don't take my food away from me"... will no longer work. In other words, I'll replace exercise as something pleasureable (granted that will take a bit of time) ... But, I'll have the hope that someday I'll have a sexy body once again ... sex-worthy .. and the need to eat will Go AWAY.

Keep tuned.I'll be tracking my progress with pictures and videos.
If you want more information (and if you live in NY) join me. Check Joshua out here: www.mindovermatternyc.com
Thanks
Ann