What's the Secret... Really ... About ReInvention?

Hi Everyone,
On this beautiful Saturday in NYC, I took myself to a movie I've wanted to see. Movies are my therapy ... I go usually once a week or so. Today I chose the new Pixar animated movie... UP... in 3D.

First, 3D is a flashback to our youth. It seems it was on hiatus for a long time and is experiencing a resurgence. What fun.

So, UP is about an old man, who loses his wife, and takes on an adventure to fulfill on a dream they had together, but never accomplished. He attaches hundreds of balloons to his house, which pulls the house into the air .. and he sets of for a distant country to "restart" his life. Soon after takeoff, he finds that he has an "accidental stowaway"... a young boy. Together, they bond and the trip is awesome.

I love animated movies and usually find them much more for adults than kids. This is so in this case as well.

So, what does it have to do with ReInvention?
Here are some things that occur within the movie ... I was in tears, with the recognition of the process. Then, I'll tell you "the SECRET."
1. We are so locked into our past and our habits.. that we live inside of "always do things the same old way"
2. It often takes a threat from the outside (or a diagnosis, or someone leaving) to push us into something new.
3. We can't move forward with the weight of what we currently have ... we have to unload, clean out all the old stuff
4. There's a lot of uncertainty in starting over or reinventing ... you have to be willing to NOT know what's going to happen next or where you'll end up.
5. Your energy increases when you're headed in the "right" new direction.. it's almost like it reverses the aging process.

And, here's the kicker ... You have to be willing to LET GO! There's a scene in the movie where he tosses out all the contents of his house so it isn't weighed down and thus can fly and move forward. It's the letting go of the old, the unwanted, the un-needed.... then, there's room for what's new and different.

I implore you to see this movie. You'll see all the metaphors. Take your grandkids .. or just your friends, or yourself ... and experience what I'm talking about.
I couldn't have come up with a better metaphor. It had me reliving my life over the last few years ... and being proud of all I've accomplished.

Have a wonderful Sunday .. maybe even go to the movies.
Enjoy!
ann

How I Sabotage my Greatness ... and it Has to Stop!

Hi Everyone,
I had quite an epiphany tonight and wanted to share it. It might sound like I'm bragging, and that's only to make a point.

Let's start at last night and lead to tonight.

Last night I had a date with a very attractive, age-appropriate, sexy man. It was out second date and it was delightful. We seemed to really enjoy each other. We went out for a drink, and then dinner.. and then needed to walk off the calories of the great burgers we ate. So, we walked along the Hudson River and Riverside Park on the Upper Westside. It was a gorgeous night... clear, moderate. It was romantic. We held hands, talked and periodically stopped for a nice, sexy, juicy kiss. Wow! Rockets were going off for both of us. (Now, not to fear ... we're not going to get provocative here... nothing more occurred in the realm of romantic behavior.)

Anyhow, as part of that walk and talk, I found myself "apologizing" to this man about ways I don't match up to him. He works out, rides his bike, swims ... has a really fit, thin, attractive body. Me, I'm a bit of slug lately, have put on a few extra pounds. I honestly was telling him about my lack of confidence in the way I look. He, of course, politely indicated that he wasn't concerned about that. He likes my look, thinks I'm sexy, etc. And, we have another date set up, so he must obviously be telling me the truth.

I'm sure that he sees much more to me than just my physicality. I, in typical "female" behavior, only saw how I look as my way of attracting him. Funny.

Now, here the rest of the story.

Tonight, I was asked to attend a 3-hour meeting for people I volunteer with. I wasn't excited about going. I could think of other more fun ways to spend a Friday night. However, I said I would go .. I gave my word I would attend. So, of course, I went. I decided that I would be open to getting something from being there.

The leader of the meeting wanted us to know that she wanted to empower us ... not just for the ways we serve the group, but for ourselves. She began talking about all the automatic ways we behave ... like how the little voice in our head often says things that disempower us .. and furthermore, how we often listen to that voice like it's the truth. She had us listen in for a bit.

My internal voice said things like: you're chubby, you're getting old, you're not at the top of your game, you're always wanting to be right, you're so reactive, etc, etc.

Then, she suggested that we are so much more than how we think of ourselves in our head ... and added, "But, the little voice will never stop." So, knowing we can always be sabotaged to the darkside ... how can we, instead, empower ourselves to be MORE? How can we acknowledge who we really are?

(Here's where the bragging and then the "aha" moment/ the epiphany comes in.)

As I looked at myself, I acknowledged all the great things: I'm beautiful (for my age), I'm extremely smart, well-spoken and accomplished. I'm well-educated, teach university level, speak all over the country to huge audiences, have coached and consulted in high-powered corporations. I've written two books and am working on another .. not to mention (lest we forget) that at age 60, I sold everything and moved to NY for a new adventure. Wow .. sounds cool!

So ... here's the insight. I allow the little voice that sees all the negatives to rule the amazing woman that I am. I forget how much I've achieved, how many people I've helped over the years (as a therapist, as a speaker, coach, etc.) How silly of me to focus on my 20 extra pounds, my not-perfect physicality?! Every man out there should be drooling over the amazing woman that I am.

And, the final step in the class tonight was to declare a new statement of what my life is dedicated to. Here's what I came up with: I am a strong, intelligent woman who's purpose in life is to lead and inspire .. authentically .. in every moment. When I write, when I speak in front of a room .. that's what people get. That's what they can count on me for.

As you can imagine, I left the class on a "high." I inspired myself.
By remembering this .. my image of myself will change on a dime.

Whatever had me, a rather sassy and unconventional woman, buy into the "skinny, sexy" look or the belief that that's all a man wants? Why did I sell out to that? (That's probably a whole different post.)

For now, I ask you ... Who are you .. I mean, really?
Can you learn to embrace yourself, love yourself ... all aspects of yourself?
I WILL ... from now on.

Thanks ... and as always, I'd love to hear from you.
Ann

Monday Morning Coaching Morsel

Hi Everyone,
Each Monday morning, I send out a short inspirational message to start the week. My coaching clients, friends and a few others subscribe. I decided to post it here each week as well. Enjoy!

People never seem to stop amazing me. Sometimes it's a positive amazement ... like, how cool they are, how giving and generous and talented they are. But other times, it's how "uncool" and unhelpful they are. I have little to no patience for people that are merely self-serving, not -evolving. I think we all deserve to have a great life ... and the pollyanna in me thinks we might all want to be helpful to each other in the fulfillment of our desires. I suppose that, honestly, I have to evaluate myself here and take the inventory on how helpful and giving I am. I believe in the words of Gandhi:
"We must be the change we want to see in the world." Am I? How about you?
So, what do you see in this for yourself? Are you aware of when you are NOT being who you want the world to be? Are you also aware of the times when you are? When you find yourself being uncool or unhelpful, do you then go back and express that to the person who might have been a recipient of your behavior? Do you apologize? How do you feel in either case. It's all about self-awareness. In another quote by Gandhi: “The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others."
Happy searching inside!

Coaching morsels are sent out every Monday... Just to inspire you a bit.

Enough Already! It’s Time to Show Up … and ReInvent Yourself!!!

This is the reprint of an article I wrote recently ... thought you might like it.
enjoy!


Everyone is using the word REINVENTION. Many have told me not to use it because everyone else is using it. “It’s over-used” they say; or “it’s trite.”

Well, that might be true. I mean, it’s on TV when you watch the General Motors ads. I’ve seen it in the NY Times and the Wall Street Journal. Because things are different now, everyone is taking a stab at ReInventing…..

So, why am I using it?

Well, I’m very UNCONVENTIONAL. I tell it like it is. I call a dog a dog. I don’t call it a cute little, furry creature that yaps .. I call it a dog. I say it like it is. In the world of change, I call it change. No excuses, no explanations. Truth!!! I’m not being negative .. I’m just being honest.

Here’s a truth: THINGS ARE DIFFERENT. THEY WILL PROBABLY NEVER BE THE WAY THEY WERE. WHAT USED TO WORK NO LONGER DOES.

I feel like I need to shout it through a megaphone from the rooftops so you’ll hear me.

People are running around screaming, “the sky is falling.” Or, they’re doing the opposite and shoving their heads in the sand and pretending that everything is okay…just the way it was.

Here’s another truth: IF WHAT YOU USED TO DO IS NO LONGER WORKING … THEN IT’S TIME TO DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT!!!

Companies that are dying do not know how to do things differently. They continue trying to stick a square peg in a square hole .. rather than creatively figuring out how to put a round peg in a square hole. They go back to the drawing board, analyzing why things might not be working, spin their wheels and then often DON”T do anything different.

The same is true for individuals. People are being laid off and then they’re immediately out there on the pavement looking for the next job … to do the same kind of work, only not realizing that there aren’t very many jobs. But, they have the “job” mentality.

Please don’t get me wrong. I know that we live in a society that requires us to earn money to pay bills, eat, have shelter. I know that money is the means to survival and for most individuals I know that the path to money is work. I also know that we all have different skill levels and often options are limited.

I also know, however, that many people have “settled” for what they think they know and what they’ve always done and can’t even see that there might be other options. They also, in their journey to survive, forget that life is about more than just going to work and earning a living. They’ve grown far away form some of their originating notions that included desire, passion and a search for fulfillment. They’ve taken to working in fields that their parents prescribed or that the universities told them would be secure. They stayed in these endeavors for many years while, often, secretly, yearning for something MORE or DIFFERENT.

All I want to do is to open the box, open the wrapping we’ve kept ourselves tied in with and start examining what else might be possible. If there are secret yearnings trying to jump out, then let’s look at them, examine what they’re made of, search for ways to maybe, just maybe, let them come forth.

I’m inviting you to WAKE UP …. Declare if you’ve had ENOUGH of the Status Quo or whatever else you want to call it. I’m inviting you to tap back into what you used to dream about being or having and see if it’s possible now.

My all time favorite childhood book is The Little Engine That Could. I especially like the part where he is pulling himself up the hill and declaring, “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can….” I think you CAN … at least take a peek, have some considerations.

Are you someone who sits and WAITS or someone who TAKES ACTION? Do you slide your toe in the cold water and slither down a bit at a time OR do you just jump in? Are you prone to do what others tell you to do or think you should do OR do you declare for yourself what direction you choose.

Are you ready to Re-energize, Re-generate, Re-purpose? Are you read to at least consider ReInventing? If so, I’ll show you how!
First … you have to:
1. Show Up,
2. Be Willing,
3. Give yourself permission

Then, you’re ready to Jump in and go through the 6 Step ReInvention Program.
Here’s the first two steps:

1. STOP doing what you no longer need to/ want to be doing.
Look all over your life, OR if thinking of work … look all over your workplace. You are wasting time and energy doing things that no longer work. You are distracting yourself with unnecessary activities. You’re also probably gossiping, wasting time and whining. STOP!

2. START doing what you want to be doing!
You’ve forgotten what’s really important to you AND you’ve stopped being true to yourself. It’s time to take your dreams back. First, sit down someplace quiet and make a list of everything you used to LOVE to do when you were a child, a teenager, a young adult … and yes, even now. All the things that are fulfilling and bring a smile or make your heart sing. All those old dreams that got shoved away and are sitting gathering dust in some old closet in the basement. Yes, look at them. Take them out. Remember …… Then, put the list away for a day or so and then go back and remember more.
Here are a few ideas: writing, painting, drawing, sledding, skiing, playing games, fencing, tennis, building things …. You get the picture. Remember them all.

Then, make a list of a few things you will START to do .. that are different from what you now do all day long.

That’s a good start. It will stir up the pot.

When you’re ready for more …. Let me know and I’ll be back with more steps … there are 4 more steps in the program, plus a couple of BONUS steps!

Enjoy the journey!

Ann Fry
ann@annfry.com
www.annfry.com
The Unconventional Speaker
The ReInvention Expert

4th of July and Other Ramblings from a Nice Weekend

Good morning everyone,
Well, it's a week since my last post and it's a month since I started the bootcamp to regain control of my health and fitness. It's also been a holiday weekend... so there's a few things to share.

First, I've had a cold, cough and yuck for nearly two weeks now and I'm tired of it. It's kept me locked down and without enough energy ... thus somehow sabotaging my ability to walk and workout as much as I would like. However, I never, ever give up ... so tomorrow night, back to bootcamp with Joshua (http://www.mindovermatternyc.com) Joshua won't let me give up. By the way ... we are looking for a health journal that wants to follow our journey of getting this Head Boomer in shape. Send me any leads you might have.

Second, what a week. It started with rain, and rain and more rain ... and then, just in time turned into a gorgeous, sunny, temperate weekend. After being Vitamin D deprived, being outside felt like heaven ... and I didn't complain about the sun at all.

Third, it was a fabulous July 4th weekend. It started out early for me. I had a bunch of people over to my apartment on Wed. evening to have an old-fashioned pot luck dinner and Hootenanny (for those of you who might not remember .. that's a "sing along.") We belted out great songs with my friend Jackie serenading us on her guitar. Check out Jackie ... she's a pro...http://tinyurl.com/lsdjuf

Beginning with Friday, I had nearly 0 plans for the weekend. Nearly everyone I knew was fleeing NYC for the beach or someplace else. I thought, oh, it's gonna be a lonely weekend AND I'm feeling sick... you know the drill. But, of course, it was great.
I rested, I read, I went out for short walks. I saw two movies. I saw the current weeper, My Sister's Keeper (yes, I liked it, despite the reviews.) I saw HAIR ... playing at the Lincoln Center Walter Reade theater. What a treat... so reminiscent of our youth. We all sang along, clapped (like it was a live performance). Loved it.

I spent time with Patrick, my assistant. We walked along the Hudson River and ate burgers at the cafe at the 70th St. Pier. Yum.

I definitely saw NY fireworks for the very first time. It's always been on the East side... I've not had an opportunity to go in the past. But, this year, being the anniversary of the Hudson .. it was on the Westside. I went with 3 people and stood on the (closed off) Westside Highway ... near 72nd St. We had a clear, unobstructed view as we looked South. What an extravaganza.. Gorgeous fireworks. It was worth waiting for. I spent the fireworks time with 3 friends, drinking homemade sangria and eating chocolate cookies .. what's not to like about that. Oh, and I caught the fumes from the kids nearby who lit up a joint and passed it around amongst them. Wow!
Note: My only weird thought ... how many people could have been fed with the millions of dollars spent on fireworks that were over in a 1/2 hour? (However, I gave that up and just enjoyed.)

Lastly, some conclusions. It turned out to be just what I needed and wanted. It was a combination of down time (and yes, I did work a bit ... produced an article and some marketing material.) I rested, read, walked alone. And, it was a time with friends. I saw two movies (a favorite pasttime.) It was nostalgic. As I watched the fireworks, I remembered times from my youth and I remembered taking my son, Gabriel, to fireworks in Austin for many years. There they had the display over the river downtown, with the symphony playing. Awesome. And, I got to see NYC fireworks for the first time.

In all my years, I never tire of the display. I oooh and aaaah with the rest of the crowd. It takes me away from the normal and mundane. It was beautiful.

So, it's now Monday morning .. a new week, a new month. I'm up to doing a lot of stuff and using my Summer much as I did this weekend. I'll work a bit, I'll rest a bit, I'll read a bit, I'll write a bit (trying to finish the next book.)

Have a glorious time and I'll be back with you soon.
Hugs,
ann