Dealing with the Uncertainty

Hi Everyone,
So, now there are 12 days til my surgery. Until then, I'm in total uncertainty... well, not total .. I mean, I do know I'm having surgery... but beyond that, and including that, I know nothing.

I went to a Breast Cancer support group today at a major hospital in NYC. The woman who runs the center is wonderful. She's devoted 20 years of her life to be with those experiencing this disease. She knows more than probably many of the doctors... she can even tell you that if you take X protocol of chemotherapy, you will lose your hair on the 17th day..Wow!

So, I attended the support group. There were three other women there who are in different stages of their cancer... from an infection after the mastectomy to a second dose of cancer and chemo to in the middle. I was the "newbie." As I listened to all the complications, difficulties, etc... it scared me to death. I am NOT in denial, but I guess I don't want to know everything. I don't want to think about ... well, when they open me up and look around there could be more cancer that didn't show up in the tests... so they could sew me up and then in a month do a breast whack on me. I also don't want to keep hearing that I'll probably lose my hair (my precious, distinct hair) .. but don't worry, it's temporary and will come back. And, I certainly don't want to hear about all the side-effects of chemo. I'll find out soon enough on my own.

Years ago, as a therapist, I ran grief support groups, ran a local hospice, trained hospice volunteers. I know a lot about cancer and about the stages of acceptance, etc. But, man, it sure is different when it's YOU.

They told me today that this time of waiting is the WORST ... because all you can do is anticipate.

Everyone says, "be postive" ... "you can beat this" ... "you'll be fine." Well, yes, that's all probably true... But there is still the fact that there is much we don't know and I still have to have the surgery and the treatment.

I'm a realist ... and an idealist. But, in cases like this ... I accept reality. That doesn't mean I like it. I sure do FIGHT it and resist it.. I'm great at that. To me, pretending like all is well is ridiculous. I ask and pray for the best .. AND, I know what's possible.

So, with 12 days to go, I still wait.
I'm waiting to hear about the cervical test I had ... to make sure there's nothing going on down there.
I'm waiting to get my surgery pre-op tests, my schedule for surgery.
I'm waiting to make sure they get it all out.
I'm waiting to make appts with oncologists.
I'm waiting for my new meds (anti-depression/anxiety) to click in so I''m not so scared
I'm waiting to know how much, what kind of and how long chemo will last
I'm waiting to know if my hair will fall out ... OR if the oncologist will let me take supplements to help ward that off.

I'm especially waiting for my life to settle back down, get back to normal .. and for HOW to Make Money when I can't set speaking dates.

Yup .. uncertainty, not knowing. That's the ticket of the moment.
And, I'm angry.... so be it.
Oh.. I DO KNOW how I'll spend my holidays this year ... getting chemo. Period.
I'll be able to write a great "show and tell" story of how I spent my holidays.
Oh, another good thing ... much easier to deal with a wig in the Winter .. we need to keep our heads warm anyhow.

Thanks for checking in.
Ann

Time to be EXCITED about your life!

Hi Everyone,
Wow, it's been a month since I last posted... I can't believe it. So much has happened and I've been so busy. Glad to be back sharing with you.

I hear from so many people, especially many who are aging, that they are still "settling" for mediocrity ... still living life as others expect them to. It makes me so sad. In my own "Pollyanna" way, I just want people to be happy and fulfilled. I want you to do whatever it takes to have the life you want.... AND, I know I can't make anyone take the steps. I can cheer you on, I can get you going, ask the questions, help you see who you can BE... but you have to do the work.

Question: Who do you want to BE?

Three weeks ago, I spent 4 days alone, in retreat, writing 3/4 of my new book about HOW TO ReInvent yourself. It was bliss .. to be away from my normal environment, writing daily ...and now I'm nearly done.
FYI: The new book is called: When You Want Things to be Different: 7 1/2 Steps to Transcend the Status Quo. YOu'll be thrilled with it.

After writing for 4 days, I went off on a Spiritual, meditation retreat .. to bliss out and relax. What a fabulous week.

POINT: I can do all this because I work for myself .. doing what I love. I make my own schedule, I don't get on a train or in a car and work elsewhere from 9-5. I'm so blessed. Perhaps, you can figure out how to create that sort of freedom for yourself!


To continue. The last 2 weeks, I've been a crazy person, putting together REInvention flyers for workshops in NY, in London and building my repertoire of offerings. (Yes, I do have to earn a living ... dont' have a trust fund.)

Now, here's what I really want to write about today. I got an email from my old business coach. He raised the question .... What are you excited about? And, he made the point that life is so much richer when you have things to look forward to.
I felt motivated to send him some of the things I'm exicted about right now in my life.
Here they are:

1. My last book came out in March. It's about my reinvention ... divorce, move to NYC, etc. It's called Sixty,Sexy, Sassy and Free: A Real Woman's Story of ReInvention.
It's a memoir and juicy. Read an excerpt at www.sixtysexysassyandfree.com
2. My next book is due out in September ... it's called: When You Want Things to be Different: 7 1/2 Steps to Transcend the Status Quo ..... it's the "how to" ReInvent.
3. I'm now positioned as the ReInvention Hotshot!... love it.
4. I'm speaking in Iowa in September, in NYC the next day and then doing a REInvention workshop in London on Sept. 29th.
5. My son's band (he's the lead singer) has found an "angel investor" ... they'll be crossing over into the bigtime this year. It's a miracle I produced by doing a FREE talk in Boston 2 years ago for a charity group ... met this man, hooked him up with Gabriel and now 2 years later it's come to this.
Check them out at: www.myspace.com/distantlightsmusic --- Gabe is the hunky cute one in front with the white shirt. So, I'm excited to be the Mother of a Rock Star.
6. I have so many new opportunities everyday and I live in NY having a blast. Life is Good... and I'm always excited.

Question: What are you excited about?

I'd love to hear from you.
Have a wonderful Summer day!
Hugs,
Ann

What's the Secret... Really ... About ReInvention?

Hi Everyone,
On this beautiful Saturday in NYC, I took myself to a movie I've wanted to see. Movies are my therapy ... I go usually once a week or so. Today I chose the new Pixar animated movie... UP... in 3D.

First, 3D is a flashback to our youth. It seems it was on hiatus for a long time and is experiencing a resurgence. What fun.

So, UP is about an old man, who loses his wife, and takes on an adventure to fulfill on a dream they had together, but never accomplished. He attaches hundreds of balloons to his house, which pulls the house into the air .. and he sets of for a distant country to "restart" his life. Soon after takeoff, he finds that he has an "accidental stowaway"... a young boy. Together, they bond and the trip is awesome.

I love animated movies and usually find them much more for adults than kids. This is so in this case as well.

So, what does it have to do with ReInvention?
Here are some things that occur within the movie ... I was in tears, with the recognition of the process. Then, I'll tell you "the SECRET."
1. We are so locked into our past and our habits.. that we live inside of "always do things the same old way"
2. It often takes a threat from the outside (or a diagnosis, or someone leaving) to push us into something new.
3. We can't move forward with the weight of what we currently have ... we have to unload, clean out all the old stuff
4. There's a lot of uncertainty in starting over or reinventing ... you have to be willing to NOT know what's going to happen next or where you'll end up.
5. Your energy increases when you're headed in the "right" new direction.. it's almost like it reverses the aging process.

And, here's the kicker ... You have to be willing to LET GO! There's a scene in the movie where he tosses out all the contents of his house so it isn't weighed down and thus can fly and move forward. It's the letting go of the old, the unwanted, the un-needed.... then, there's room for what's new and different.

I implore you to see this movie. You'll see all the metaphors. Take your grandkids .. or just your friends, or yourself ... and experience what I'm talking about.
I couldn't have come up with a better metaphor. It had me reliving my life over the last few years ... and being proud of all I've accomplished.

Have a wonderful Sunday .. maybe even go to the movies.
Enjoy!
ann

Enough Already! It’s Time to Show Up … and ReInvent Yourself!!!

This is the reprint of an article I wrote recently ... thought you might like it.
enjoy!


Everyone is using the word REINVENTION. Many have told me not to use it because everyone else is using it. “It’s over-used” they say; or “it’s trite.”

Well, that might be true. I mean, it’s on TV when you watch the General Motors ads. I’ve seen it in the NY Times and the Wall Street Journal. Because things are different now, everyone is taking a stab at ReInventing…..

So, why am I using it?

Well, I’m very UNCONVENTIONAL. I tell it like it is. I call a dog a dog. I don’t call it a cute little, furry creature that yaps .. I call it a dog. I say it like it is. In the world of change, I call it change. No excuses, no explanations. Truth!!! I’m not being negative .. I’m just being honest.

Here’s a truth: THINGS ARE DIFFERENT. THEY WILL PROBABLY NEVER BE THE WAY THEY WERE. WHAT USED TO WORK NO LONGER DOES.

I feel like I need to shout it through a megaphone from the rooftops so you’ll hear me.

People are running around screaming, “the sky is falling.” Or, they’re doing the opposite and shoving their heads in the sand and pretending that everything is okay…just the way it was.

Here’s another truth: IF WHAT YOU USED TO DO IS NO LONGER WORKING … THEN IT’S TIME TO DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT!!!

Companies that are dying do not know how to do things differently. They continue trying to stick a square peg in a square hole .. rather than creatively figuring out how to put a round peg in a square hole. They go back to the drawing board, analyzing why things might not be working, spin their wheels and then often DON”T do anything different.

The same is true for individuals. People are being laid off and then they’re immediately out there on the pavement looking for the next job … to do the same kind of work, only not realizing that there aren’t very many jobs. But, they have the “job” mentality.

Please don’t get me wrong. I know that we live in a society that requires us to earn money to pay bills, eat, have shelter. I know that money is the means to survival and for most individuals I know that the path to money is work. I also know that we all have different skill levels and often options are limited.

I also know, however, that many people have “settled” for what they think they know and what they’ve always done and can’t even see that there might be other options. They also, in their journey to survive, forget that life is about more than just going to work and earning a living. They’ve grown far away form some of their originating notions that included desire, passion and a search for fulfillment. They’ve taken to working in fields that their parents prescribed or that the universities told them would be secure. They stayed in these endeavors for many years while, often, secretly, yearning for something MORE or DIFFERENT.

All I want to do is to open the box, open the wrapping we’ve kept ourselves tied in with and start examining what else might be possible. If there are secret yearnings trying to jump out, then let’s look at them, examine what they’re made of, search for ways to maybe, just maybe, let them come forth.

I’m inviting you to WAKE UP …. Declare if you’ve had ENOUGH of the Status Quo or whatever else you want to call it. I’m inviting you to tap back into what you used to dream about being or having and see if it’s possible now.

My all time favorite childhood book is The Little Engine That Could. I especially like the part where he is pulling himself up the hill and declaring, “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can….” I think you CAN … at least take a peek, have some considerations.

Are you someone who sits and WAITS or someone who TAKES ACTION? Do you slide your toe in the cold water and slither down a bit at a time OR do you just jump in? Are you prone to do what others tell you to do or think you should do OR do you declare for yourself what direction you choose.

Are you ready to Re-energize, Re-generate, Re-purpose? Are you read to at least consider ReInventing? If so, I’ll show you how!
First … you have to:
1. Show Up,
2. Be Willing,
3. Give yourself permission

Then, you’re ready to Jump in and go through the 6 Step ReInvention Program.
Here’s the first two steps:

1. STOP doing what you no longer need to/ want to be doing.
Look all over your life, OR if thinking of work … look all over your workplace. You are wasting time and energy doing things that no longer work. You are distracting yourself with unnecessary activities. You’re also probably gossiping, wasting time and whining. STOP!

2. START doing what you want to be doing!
You’ve forgotten what’s really important to you AND you’ve stopped being true to yourself. It’s time to take your dreams back. First, sit down someplace quiet and make a list of everything you used to LOVE to do when you were a child, a teenager, a young adult … and yes, even now. All the things that are fulfilling and bring a smile or make your heart sing. All those old dreams that got shoved away and are sitting gathering dust in some old closet in the basement. Yes, look at them. Take them out. Remember …… Then, put the list away for a day or so and then go back and remember more.
Here are a few ideas: writing, painting, drawing, sledding, skiing, playing games, fencing, tennis, building things …. You get the picture. Remember them all.

Then, make a list of a few things you will START to do .. that are different from what you now do all day long.

That’s a good start. It will stir up the pot.

When you’re ready for more …. Let me know and I’ll be back with more steps … there are 4 more steps in the program, plus a couple of BONUS steps!

Enjoy the journey!

Ann Fry
ann@annfry.com
www.annfry.com
The Unconventional Speaker
The ReInvention Expert

Don't Panic ... Just Think and Do Something Different

Hi Everyone,
Hear me out ... "we're gonna be okay." We absolutely need to join the revolution that says not to be consumed by the negativity and fear. I know it's hard, but you can do it ... and you want to do it. Your future depends on it.

Here's the deal. The economy is tough, we have a new President, the world is in a scary place, people are losing jobs, money is scarce, yada, yada, yada. We know all the bad news. Time to be cognizant, but not to succomb.

Baby boomers are strong, resilient and resourceful. We'll figure it out. I hate to say it, but money is not the most important thing in the world. Think about it ... what about health, children, friends, spouses or significant others (if you are lucky enough to have one), beauty, art, music, literature. there is so much more than just money. Yes, we need money. I haven't figured out how to pay my bills without it; however, when there's not enough, we figure it out. Can you hear a theme here: It's "figure it out."

The good news: You're not alone. We're all in this together ... everyone... in the whole friggin world is in this together. It's global.

New and innovative ideas are bursting forth exponentially. Cooperative living is coming back around. My back up plan: My sister and I and some friends all plan on living together and taking care of each other. We'll share expenses and be there for help and guidance and assistance. It'll work. Hey, it beats moving in with the kids. Unless, of course, my knight in shining armor shows up and whisks me away on his white horse and we're rich in the kingdom of plenty (I know ... I have a weird imagination.)

I strongly urge anyone reading this to be inventive. Start asking the question: What do I want to be different? Play with that question: What do I want to be different about my self, about my relationships, about my work situation. What can I DO differently that might impact myself of others in a new, improved way? Just talk this through with yourself or others ... have discussions. You'll be amazed at what will begin to come forth from your cobweb brains. Time to be ingenious and think out of the notorious box.

Lose your job? Great. Now what? What talents and interests do you have that other people need and how can you deliver it?

In my 6 STeps to ReInvent yourself, the third step is to Never, ever, ever, ever let anyone tell you what to do or not to do. Follow your own heart ... see what you have to offer and soar with it.

If this moves you.. then email me. I'm starting new ReInvention teleclasses and doing some in person.... it will help you figure it out.
I don't know about you, but when I try to figure something out on my own, I'm not nearly as effective as when I talk it out with others. The synergy of the conversation is much more productive.

So, get off your whiny horse, talk things out, think big and different and see what starts to emerge.
I'm here if you want me.
Have a great day.
Ann

I Just Saw A Movie that Tells me I'm on the Right Track

Hi Everyone,
I know this is a very long title... but it says it. Although I needed to be home working on the manuscript for my nearly finished book, Sixty, Sexy, Sassy and Free... I did, instead, go to the movies this afternoon. Given the timing, Revolutionary Road was about to start.

I knew it would be sad, heavy and uncomfortable to watch; afterall it's about the disintegration of a marriage. Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet are reunited from their Titanic movie of over 10 years ago. They are awesome. They've matured AND their chemistry is still amazing.

As I watched the unravelling of their relationship, I couldn't help but see myself and my own experience, not to mention that of many others.
But, the thing that struck me the most was the underlying "cause" or theme beneath the obvious. Here it is: Here's a man who settles to work at a job he doesn't like so he can make it -- e.g. support his family, pay the bills, be responsible. Here's a woman, frustrated by the boredom of the suburbs AND frustrated by her inability to excel in a career she was interested in. At some point in the movie, they climb out of their doldrums, develop a plan to alter life as they know it and REINVENT themselves. They get excited, take all the steps to start over. Their love returns, they're happy. Then, of course, they reneg on the deal and go back to feeling unfulfilled, unhappy with each other. It's awful.

They aren't even baby boomers, so why am I writing this? It's easy. I am so keenly aware of how many people are living lives of quiet desperation ... settling, giving in, daydreaming, but taking no action. In the husband's case, he had no clue of what he really wanted to do with his life. I can't tell you how many people I know that fit that bill. They don't even allow themselves to consider WHAT would make them happy, where they'd like to devote their time and energy. They're just too immersed in doing whatever it is they do. And, here's the worst part. They don't see that their own misery bleeds over into the misery of those around them.

So .. I'm on the right track. I'm writing, speaking and coaching on Re-Energizing, Re-Purposing, Re-Inventing .... in business and in life. My goal is for all people to be engaged in purposeful work and to feel a sense of fulfillment.

I invite you to continue on this journey with me.
My book is nearly done ... stay tuned for announcements.
If you're in the NY area, attend my workshops. If you're not in NY, let's talk -- gather a group of folks, pay my expenses and we'll split the fees. I'll come and do my workshops where you live.

Together, let's help people feel that sense of achievement ... let's make our hearts sing and feel passion.
No time like the present.
Thanks,
ann

Happy New Year 2009 & Happy Birthday to Me

Good afternoon everyone,
I trust you got the sleep you needed after the partying you may (or may not) have done last night. Whatever you did, I hope it was fun and fulfilling.

Today is my birthday ... and the only reason I tell you is because it's a milestone for us all ... all of us boomers, I mean. Remember, I call myself the Head Boomer because I'm born on this day ... the first day of the baby boomer generation. Yes, Boomers begin turning 63 today, just like me.

Funny, 63 sounds old, but I don't feel old and I don't look old. Most people think I'm quite a bit younger and sometimes I have to swallow hard when I admit my age. But, here's the rub. I can't call myself Head boomer and declare my age so publically and then lie about it at other times. So, for example, on dating sites .. I have to be honest. Does that get me less attention... probably. I mean, clearly, how many men are chomping at the bit for a 63 year old woman? So, if I lied by a few years, maybe I'd get more traffic. But, so be it. I'm sure, that one of these days, the man of my dreams will show up. I know he's out there looking for me too. In fact, I might have already met him and it's just a hop, skip and jump til it's declared and we realize it and relationship starts.

Point: You never know what the next moment in time brings you!

So, now for the specialness of today.
It's follows last night, which turned out to be nicer than I expected, altho frightfully cold in NYC.

Today is laid back for now. I took myself to brunch, ate too much (which has to stop happening very soon.) I'm home for a bit, then I'll have a few friends joining me for Happy Hour this afternoon. (Hoping the freezing weather doesn't keep them away.)

I'm reflecting a lot on how I expect this year to be.
Of course, I'm concerned, as we all are, about the impact of the economy. I'm a bit worried about work and contracts and "gigs" and finances. But, I'm also truly optimistic about the fact that I have talents, skills and information that's very timely and helpful. So, getting that word out will help.

I've been self-employed for 22 years now and have ridden waves before. I'm sure I'll be fine. We're all in this together, so let's hold on tight.

Meanwhile, throughout the day, and the weekend, I'll continue reflecting, intending, creating my future. It's nice to have a 4 day time period to do that in. I'll be working, yet relaxing and playing as well.

How about you?
If any of you reading this would like my FREE New Year's Assessment guide, please send me an email ... ann@annfry.com I'll send it right out. It's an opportunity to reflect on this past year and to prepare for this new one. It would be my pleasure to share with you.

So, take a deep breath, hug yourself, tell yourself how wonderfully marvelous you are, take another deep breath, sit down and write your goals/intentions for the year, DON"T make resolutions (you know you never keep them), take another deep breath, then go out and do something fun.

Remember the people who love you, remember all that is working well for you and all that you have to be grateful for.

Keep your optimism in check... you'll need it. Figure out where you are and where you want to be. Perhaps this is the year you REALLY do regenerate or reinvent yourself. If that's your goal, make sure you're on my mailing list at www.itsboomertime.com I'll be starting my ReInvention teleclasses very soon... you won't want to miss them

So, here's to 2009 -- may it be your best year ever ... the year you reach peak fulfillment in all areas.
For me .. I want a great man/relationship this year, I want lots of speaking engagements and coaching clients and I want my book to be a best seller. Of course, I also want health, wellness and wealth.

I raise my glass of Proseco to you and wish you all your dreams!
Happy New Year... from me to you.
I'd love your comments.
Hugs,
Ann

The ReInvention conversation

It's funny, but no matter where I go, and who I talk to, people are enthralled by the ReInvention conversation. When I present myself as a REInvention expert, it raises a lot of curiosity. I mean really, who says, "I'm a reinvention expert?" People say, I sell insurance, I'm a financial planner, I have an organizing business, etc.
I love the reaction.

Then, when I start talking about how I work with companies that want to reinvent their culture and with individuals who want to reinvent their lives, their eyes dilate wide open.
The concept has been around for a long time... so why do people think it's a novel idea?
I don't know the answer to that question, but I'll take a stab at it.

The boomers, especially. Well, we have just done what we do ... forever. A few of us have taken a chance on some entrepreneurial effort, but most have worked in corporate America or in some other capacity. We haven't focused on doing what WE want .. but rather on what was/is expected or to take care of our families. When I say... hey, you can do whatever you want to do ... I get these perplexed looks. They wonder, "really?"

What do I need to say to convince people to take some chances and begin to go after their dreams? Can you help me out?
What would grab you to want to make a shift?
Truthfully, deciding is part of the process ... but then, there's the follow-through. So, you decide you want something to be different .. you want to reinvent a portion of your life. But, then how do you do it?
Well, it's best to have a great support team or maybe a coach to walk through the process with you.

Keep posted. there's a 6-part series of teleclasses coming your way, If you don't already get the It's BoomerTime newsletter, go to www.itsboomertime.com and sign on. I'll be announcing the dates soon.

Enjoy thinking about what you want different and begin talking about it out loud as a possibility. that's part of the first two steps.

Enjoy!

The Beauty of ReInvention in the Boomer years

Good Sunday morning to you,
Well, it is 11:40 a.m. and I have just returned from a long walk along the Hudson River here in NYC. For those of you who don't know me, I "reinvented myself" 2 years and 4 months ago (but who's counting). I moved to NYC, the city of my dreams, where I've always wanted to live. It's been an interesting journey, to say the least. But, one that has made all the difference to my life.

Take this morning , for example. I awoke in my cute little apartment in NYC, got dressed, got on the subway to head downtown. I got off at Houston Street and walked West to the Westside Hwy, crossed it and then walked along the Hudson River, dividing NY and NJ. It's a gorgeous walk. I walked downtown, towards Battery Park, which is at the tip of Manhattan Island. When I got closer to my destination, I just had to stop. It took my breath away --- As I stood, facing west, along the railing, I looked ahead and saw the lovely skyline of Jersey just across the river. To my immediate far left, I caught a view of Staten Island... and there, just in front of it, a perfect view of Ellis Island and the Statue of Liberty. The boats and ferries were crossing, the water was clear, the weather was sunny and the sky blue. It was an amazing moment.

Now, this is not the first time I've walked here or viewed this, and each time I marvel at how far I've come in my ReInvention.
(Lest you wonder, you'll be able to read all about my story in my book, due out late Fall, entitled "60, Sexy, Sassy and Free: Living Life on My Terms.)
Let's just say this. My first year was scary, my second a challenge and now, I'm reaping the rewards of my new life. I'm happier (even tho a little lonely at times). I have more work, I'm in the final phase of writing my book. I have so many amazing opportunities. I am getting very physically healthy -- having just recently lost 9 pounds (with at least 11 more to go) and I walk or work out nearly everyday. I feel fantastic.

Now, would that have happened where I lived before? Maybe.But NY forces you to be outdoors and to walk all over .. and up and down subway stairs, etc. It's pushed me to confront my limits and to be open to many new things.

Point: When we do something different and outside our comfort zone, with the goal of having life on our terms ... the results can be amazing IF you're willing to do whatever it takes.

As aging boomers, we can have the time of our lives. Our children are independent, we're mostly settled in our work/careers OR ready to retire and try new things. And, many of us are healthy enough to take on more.

I'm living my dream. I'm hoping you are at least considering living your dream... whatever it may be.

Have a fabulous weekend.
Ann