The Day after Labor Day

It's another beautiful morning in NYC ... bright sunshine, moderate temperature. WE've had an incredible Summer. Hard to believe that within about a month it will begin to get colder and Fall will be in the air.
For now, however, I'll enjoy what's here.

There was a great deal that happened over the weekend. There was Gustav .. a raging hurricane that had the audacity to ravage the Gulf Coast, especially The Big Easy area yet again. Fortunately, lessons from the previous mistakes made it much safer this time. Now, they will be back to repairing yet again. My heart goes out to the community and the friends I have there.

In politics, we got new-found information on Sarah Palin and her young daughter. In previous times, people would have been more outraged about a 17 year old getting pregnant. In fact, she would be sent away and it would be a big secret. Now, we're so much more open and understanding ... although it puts her Mother in jeopardy.
We also saw Obama indicate that judging Sarah's daughter is off-limits -- a sign of respect. So, let's move on and see how politics play out.

It was a "holiday" weekend with an extra day off (for a few) ... funny how retail makes it a big SALE day and many people work on this non-work day.

I had a wonderful weekend. If you remember, on SAturday, I worked all day, but then I played the rest of the weekend. I went to two movies in one day with a friend and then yesterday took a friend out for lunch for her birthday and went shopping for new clothes -- took advantage of those great retailers who worked when I didn't.

It was also a struggle day for me. My webmaster is changing my server and I couldn't access email ... basically still can't. I get so frustrated. I sometimes wonder if my "age" ... growing up without computers limits me in my capacity to understand and deal with them. Anyhow, maybe even by the time I finish writing this .. it will all be working again and I can get back to "normal" ... not that I'm ever normal.

So in the midst of so much happening, I got upset about a tiny conversation with a man. Thought I'd share it .. it's so a part of the dating scene and the struggle to feel good about myself as a woman.

I had two dates with a man who was a lot older -- well, he's 72 -- so that's 10 years older. He was nice and polite and even made me laugh a bit. Both dates were short -- one for dessert (maybe 1 1/2 hours) and one to visit the museum and then have a drink (maybe 2 hours). Yesterday he called to see if I feel any "chemistry." I explained that I need a bit of time to figure that out. Yes, sometimes I feel chemistry immediately and get that tingling feeling. But other times, it develops, as I get to know someone. I told him I didn't know yet, but wondered why he was asking. He said he wanted to know if I'm suppressing it or resisting it. I said, all you've done is "hug" me -- there's been no contact to know. He said he doesn't feel it and let's just move on. I couldn't believe it. This "old" man is not attracted to me. Excuuuussse me?
I took it so personal .. well, not to his face.... I wondered, as I always do, if there's something wrong with me, am I really that unattractive, is it still the extra 10 pounds (remember I've lost a few). What's the deal and why should I care.

I mean, people have lost their homes, their city, people are 17 and pregnant, the country is going to hell in a handbasket and I'm worried about a 72 year old man, that I could care less about, saying he doesn't feel any chemistry AND I take it personally. I definitely have to "get a grip."

I share this because I know other singles feel this way. Attracting a person for romance and relationship is such a big deal for many of us and we just don't get it.
Intellectually I know that people have chemistry with each other or they don't. I know about pheromones. Truthfully, I'm not attracted to too many men - in fact, most that I meet -- it doesn't mean they aren't nice men .. they're just not my type. So, then why do I take it personally?

What does it take to have such high self-esteem that things like that won't bother me? Should I just STOP dating all together and enrich my life so much that it doesn't matter? Will a man I like ever find me attractive in a lasting way?

Truth: I look pretty damn good. I guess I have to keep saying that over and over until I convince myself.

Oh, but let me not forget -- I do have a 40 year old lover. He finds me very attractive. I love it. BUT, I constantly expect that he will meet a cute young thing and toss me aside... especially when I don't see him for weeks. This is one of those times. He's been gone for a month and won't be back til next week and we have little contact. So, I wonder. He's probably just using me ... but then again, I'm using him as well. It's okay.

As for other men -- I have no clue. If the lover goes away, I might just purposely become celibate. I'll keep you tuned in.
Meanwhile, I'll get back to the matter of finishing my book, which I course I think will be a bestseller and of building my business and of enjoying the magic of NY, with or without a male companion.

You have a great week!
Thanks for letting me rant!
Ann

What about romance ... for me?

HI Everyone,
Well, here it is 11:30 p.m. on a Saturday night and here I sit, alone, by myself, in my apartment. No date on Saturday night.
Actually I shouldn't complain .. I did have two dates this week, but don't think I'll be seeing him again. He walked me home the second night, came up, realized I had 2 cats and freaked out. I doubt he'll be back, but who knows.

I went to see Woody Allen's new movie late this afternoon. It's called: Vicky Cristina Barcelona. I loved it AND parts of it were tough to watch. Why? Because it was sexy and romantic. I want that! Plus, Javier Bardem is really "hot."

What made it interesting is that although I really enjoyed it, as I usually feel about Woody Allen movies, I also left a bit depressed. Let me explain.

There's something about being over 60 that makes me fear I'll never have a truly romantic, loving relationship again and that I'll be alone for the rest of my life. What a waste that would be. Here's the rub ... I'm great in relationships. I'm loving, affectionate, sensual, a fun companion. I love to romp and play and have adventures. I tend to adore the man I"m with and definitely contribute to him feeling great about himself. But, truly, there aren't too many men (unless they're like 70's or 80's that are interested in a 62 year old women. Even though I look young! What's a girl to do?

I wonder if men of 62 have the same problem? I guess if they're wealthy, then even younger women come after them. Are there more women beating down the doors of men, despite their age than there are men beating down the door of women of this age? I'd love to hear about that.

Now, I really can't complain. I DO seem to attract a few younger men. I've got a couple of 40 year olds interested... but altho fun, don't see much of a future in that. I mean, can you see me as the step-Mother of a 5 year old? I don't think so.
Am I a cougar? By definition, I suppose so. I do like younger men. But, do I deliberatly go out and look for them? No. Would I like to find more of them? Yes.

Anyhow, some ramblings on a Saturday night... before I go to bed alone.

Point: We need to love ourselves for who we are ... even if that's being alone. We don't need another person to "complete" us .... but it sure beats always feeling alone.

And, of course, there are those activities that are much more fun and fulfilling with another person.Oh well, guess I'll continue wishing and hoping.
And, if you're reading this and you're a man and you're not married -- let me hear from you. Who knows. Or, if you're reading this and you are married AND you know a man who might be available .. send him my way. Oh, and the younger the better.. well, really, not under 40.

Thanks and have a glorious Sunday.
Ann, "the cougar" Fry

I Will Never Understand Men

You know, it's a lovely Saturday morning and I'm stuck in thoughts about a man, and a date I had and why I don't hear from him. I feel like I'm 16. It's ridiculous... but I want to get it out of my system.

For more than 10 years, I stayed in a loveless marriage and I held my tongue, didn't speak up much and just settled for a mediocre life. When I left that life, I promised myself I wouldn't do that. So, I'm more outspoken.But, when it comes to relationship, I seem to lose my tongue, for fear that if I say the wrong thing, I'll end the possibility of being with that person.

Well, here it's "up" for me again. I've had a few dates with a man I like a lot. He's attractive, he's smart, he does meaningful work in the world, he knows himself, works on himself. He's great... not to mention he showed a lot of interest in me at first.
Our last date was nice. We inched a bit closer to knowing each other better... got a little more intimate. When he left, however, I felt he might not be back. I couldn't really put my finger on it, but just my gut saying something.

I sent him a thank you email in the morning for the dinner, the date and told him I look forward to doing it again. I didn't hear back at all.... until a week later. He sent a text saying he was confused and apologized for the silence. I wrote back that I respect that and asked to talk. Now, it's two days later.... no response.

A couple of years ago I read that dreaded book, "He's Just Not That Into You." I hated it. But, you know, when someone doesn't call or really keep in touch, I guess I have to assume they're just not into me. But here's the rub. I'm a big girl ... fairly secure with myself. If he's not that into me, he should just say it and we can both move on. But, if he is still interested and wants to have some breakthroughs in relationship with me, then he might tell me that. With nothing, little communication, I know nothing.

Now, yes, I'm reasonably secure, but like many women, when a man stops being around me, I immediately wonder and judge what I've done and how I look. Obviously he didn't stick around because of those 20 extra pounds ... I'm not attractive to him. Or, my big mouth got me in trouble again. I totally move into the fact that if he's not interested then it's "all about me." How stupid is that. It could, of course, just be his own "angst" and issues. Maybe I remind him of someone else that he didn't like, or maybe he really does like me but is afraid of getting hurt. The list could be endless.

Here's the point: When you are in a relationship with someone, even if it's new -- it would be great to start off with open, clear and honest communication. Let each other know where you stand. It's pretty simple.

Life is too short!
Two nights ago, I went to the symphony. It was awesome. As my girlfriend and I were leaving, I lost my footing and fell down half a flight of stairs. I was embarrassed and have huge bruises on my arms and legs to prove it. BUT.... we never know from one moment to the next what will happen to us. Yes, we ARE in charge of our lives, but I still think that the unexpected happens.

I want to live life for the NOW. I want to enjoy my experiences with people and not over analyze (as I'm sometimes accused of doing.) I just want to love, be loved, give and receive and most of all have fun.

I wish this man could let me know what he's thinking. I hope he does. I'm giving him space -- to connect further or to move on ... but it would be nice to know what he chooses.
Me... I'll continue working on living and enjoying for the moment and relinquishing expectations (not an easy task.)
Life is about discovering, learning about ourselves and LIVING with passion and ease.
Have a glorious weekend.
thanks for letting me vent.
Ann