Trying to Feel "Normal"

HI Everyone,
I've had an interesting couple of days .. thought it was time to catch you more up to date.
On Sunday, I walked in the Susan Komen Race for the Cure. Just diagnosed, no surgery or chemo yet ... and I walked as part of the troupe. It was weird. I sort of wondered what I was doing there. I've walked it in the past (in Austin) .. but just to be supportive.. not ever thinking I would walk it for myself. It was inspiring, and it made me sad. I saw so many families, unified and together. The women wore signs saying "10 yrs, 2 months Cancer Free" (example) I wanted my son there marching with me.

So, I called him later and we talked and I vowed that he and I will walk together next year .. either in Austin or in NYC ... and my banner will say _____ months Cancer Free. I cried a bit.

Then, yesterdy, Monday, I flew to Des Moines, Iowa to speak to a conference today. I felt totally "normal" .. just flying someplace for a "gig." It's what I do. I speak .. and I usually get on a plane and fly someplace to do that. I had no anxiety, I wasn't thinking about cancer... I was just going to say some things in front of an audience and hoping they would find a piece that might inspire them.

And, this morning, I woke up early and excited to do that. I rocked! They loved me. And, then, I got back on a plane and flew home to NYC. It was sort of bittersweet ... the last paid speaking engagement I have this year. And, with the surgery and then chemo ... I don't know when I'll do this again.

While on the flight returning to NY, I felt a little bit of anxiety ... realizing what I'm coming back to... and I breathed through it.

I think I want more of these "normal" moments for the next 6 days. After surgery, I'm thinking I won't feel normal for a bit.... and especially once the chemo starts, I definitely won't feel normal. I'm yearning for normal and regular. I kind of want my life back. .. and I guess that's NORMAL.

So, for the next 5 days, I'm working like I always do ... networking, mini (free) presentations. I'm gonna play on the weekend and pretend that all is well.
Then, on Tuesday morning, I'll show up and let them do their surgery thing on me ... and a new phase of my life ... the next "iteration" of my ReInvention will be in motion.

The good news is: I'm not crying every day anymore. I seem more reconciled and accepting of where I am.
The bad news is: I'm loving my hair ... and it's been looking particularly good lately ... so much harder to think about losing it. Oh well... a small price to pay ... considering the alternative.

That's my ramblings for now.
Keep tuned.
Thanks... and happy rest of week to you all.
Ann

You Never Know Where Life Takes You

Warning everyone ..
This one might be a little serious or intense. I suppose I'm using your wonderful supportive hearts and ears for therapy at the moment. I'll not give all the details, but I'll paint you a picture.

You know that I always write about ReInvention ... I'm devoted to it, adamant about it, insistent at the very least. I believe we are here to leave the world a better place by our presence. I've spent my life doing good in the world, helping others, being available. Sometimes I've been there more for others than for me.... to a fault.

Right now, I'm facing a difficult diagnosis... it got verified today and I'll probably be in surgery within a few days. I'm confident I'll come through with flying colors.. I have to .. I have much more work to do in the world AND, my rock star son is about to make it in the "big time." ...I still want to be the Mother of a famous rock star. Yahoo.

When I realized what was happening with me, I never went to the fear of my life winding down; instead I went to this is a nuisance, I don't have time for it, etc. Maybe that was denial ... not sure. Anyhow, my wishing and hoping didn't work. The issue is very much at hand.

Why am I telling you this? Why am I sharing it? That's easy ... my life is an open book and I'll tell you anything that will inspire you to honor your life and be who you are meant to be.

I expect to be around for a long time ... I'm not going anywhere. I might be a bit uncomfortable for a bit; I might lose some parts of myself I'm attached to (don't know that yet). But, my attitude and the compassion of those around me who love me will help to pull me through.

My question to you is this: What will I do differently in my life TODAY ... and Tomorrow, etc..... so that I'm living full tilt? Who will I love? Where will I volunteer to make the world a better place? Where do I need to surrender to a bigger cause?

Take your steps today ... don't wait for tomorrow. Wishing and hoping get you more of the same as you wait for "someday maybe."

I'm just beginning this new ReInvention process (yes, another one)... it's a new journey and I have no idea where it will take me. I'll keep you informed along the way.
This blog is now my very personal journey blog.
I'm starting a new one ... but it will be All Things ReInvention ... in a more business focused way.

Follow me .. write to me... stay with me.

Celebrate your day.