Struggle for Self

I awoke today with the concept of how much we "struggle just to be who we are" ... which I'm calling the Struggle for Self.
Even though many of us are beyond the child-rearing parts of our lives and perhaps have even lost our parents, we still find ourselves striving to caretake wherever we can.

I've been a caretaker my entire life. I mean, I'm a social worker -- the ultimate caretaker -- taking on the needs of everyone who needs me. I was a professor and cared for students, I had my therapy practice for over 30 years. Now, I coach and train others to create "more or better" in their lives.

And. let's not forget that yes, I'm still a Mother and have a "creative" son ... which is polite for a "struggling musician/singer" son ... who still needs much from his Mom. With my parents long gone, I've become the family "matriarch." So, when the family has issues, it's me who is called upon. Or, when it's time for a gathering or reunion, it's me who makes it happen. In other words... I'm the dependable, responsible, caretaking one. Now I say this without feeling at all like a victim. I choose it all and I hope to NOT be a martyr about it.

What I do want to make a point about, however, is that the one I don't take enough care of is ... MOI! Me! Please don't misunderstand. I don't engage in wild and irresponsible behaviors. I think think things through. I have fun and great experiences. But, I don't get enough sleep, I don't floss absolutely every day, I don't cleanse my face every night.

I am, currently, eating well, walking and working out -- a huge commitment to myself and I feel great about it. I hope to keep it up. The reason it's working so well is because I'm home much more. In fact, I'm barely traveling again til September.Wow.

So, I raise this issue because it all relates to my struggle with myself. I not only have the issue of not always taking great care of me, but I also struggle with the typical questions we all do, e.g. Why am I here? What's my purpose? Who am I supposed to be and what should I be doing? Am I making a difference? We could go on adinfinitim .... you get the drift.

Perhaps many of the boomers are struggling with these issues.
Perhaps instead of calling it a struggle, we should call it the proverbial "Opportunity!"

Point: Where do you need to focus on who you are and what you're about and what you need? Do you take the time to do that? It's important to figure out the WHO.

One of my all time favorite sayings, which seems timely here is:
"Take care of yourself so you can take care of others." And, I'll add -- BUT, don't take so much care of others that you forget to take care of you!
Happy Sunday,
Ann

Thoughts on Memorial Day

Good morning,
From where I sit and look out my window, it's a gorgeous day in New York City. The sun is shining and the temperature is perfect. Soon, I'll leave the inside for a walk along the Hudson River, 2 blocks from my apartment.
For others, today, it's a day of remembrance. Many served in various wars and many had their loved ones serve. And, we cannot deny the many who succumbed to the wars, including the present war. Their families will be honoring their losses today. And, for those who served and returned, they too will honor their experience.

As the "head boomer" ... born on the first day of the boomer generation, WWII was already over. I didn't know anyone who served in Korea, at least not to my knowledge; however, I knew people who served in Viet Nam. In fact, my college boyfriend was a medic. We wrote everyday for a year. Thankfully, he made it back, we broke up. Then, about 3 years ago, we found each other on the internet and have become friends. Interesting!

I'm not going to write here now of my opinions of war. Suffice it to say that I was a "typical" 60's generation person who protested, BUT, I was very conflicted. I was against the war in Viet Nam, but I wore a prisoner of war bracelet. Then, in the eearly 70's, I moved to Japan, compliments of the Dept. Of Defense Overseas Teaching Program and taught elementary and special education to military kids at Camp Zama . I had two wonderful years there. The interesting thing about Camp Zama was that it was the Army Headquarters for the region AND it housed the hospital where all severely wounded soldiers were sent to heal. I even dated some of those boys. Needless to say, I was very conflicted. I opposed the war, but supported the troops and I taught the children of many who served. In it's own way, all that influenced me to return back to the States and get my Social Work degree and then practice psychotherapy for 30 years. It was my way of dealing with human suffering, conflict and more.

So, while we all honor those lost today, we get in touch with how their sacrifice impacted our lives ... and maybe contributed to who we are today. For that, I lift my hat in thanks!

I intend to spend the day ... first walking outside, enjoying Nature. Then, I'll have a serendipitous day -- it's unplanned and I'll see where my walks take me.
I wish you the sort of day that will feed your soul, honor your loved ones and help you see all that you have and can be grateful for.
Ann

How Can I Be So Enlightened AND So Stupid at the Same Time?

Do you ever feel like you've done a lot of work on yourself -- that you're evolving, that you're spiritual, that you're on that road to enlightenment AND yet..... you make really stupid choices, behave in very non-enlightened ways, and feel you utterly suck at this whole growth thing?
Well, I do.

Over the last dozen or so years, I've made strides. I have good integrity, I take responsibility for my actions, I practice non-attachment (well some), I use the processes of intentionality and attraction. I'm a good person. It's been an arduous climb and one I'm very much still on. I've never felt that I mastered these ideals, but I feel I'm definitely on the journey. I also feel I have age and wisdom and experience on my side.

But then, life happens and I still react in old ways and cause lots of messiness in my relationships. I get dramatic, I judge (particularly myself), I whine, I get pessimistic and I doubt and question everything. What's a girl to do?

I suppose the clue here is: be gentle with myself ... know that as a human being I won't have it all together all the time. And, then, too, of course .... make better choices OR catch my poor choices earlier, as in more quickly. That would be a good one.

Point: Don't expect yourself to be perfect all the time. Do your best, love yourself, utilize your experiences to help you grow and know that everything, absolutely everything, is an opportunity to grow and learn and evolve.

From a practical standpoint ... this speaks to a sense of purpose and fulfillment. To best know yourself you need to be open to evolving and growing. Then, you'll be in a position to find what fulfills you, what gives you juice and how you want to spend the rest of your wild and crazy life. Happy searching boomers.

Funny How Life Is

Good Morning,
Well, I am back from traveling more .. in fact, a bunch. I'm exhausted. I've missed entering here and have lots to talk about.
I'll be back here much more often again.

My thoughts this morning are interesting. I ended my new relationship of 3 months. I thought it was going to be "it!" It wasn't. In fact, it was a challenge in an area I didn't expect. I thought I had mastered the art of being powerful and self-expressed. What I realized in the past few weeks was how much I still do what I used to do -- I gave up much of myself to be who he wanted me to be. Amazing. All this growth and progress I've made and I let it go to be with someone.

Well, not anymore. From this day forward, when I see myself shrinking back or trying to be someone for someone else ... I'm outta there. I remember when I divorced, I said to myself, "I'd rather be alone than continue to be in a relationship where I'm not appreciated or I can't be myself." Well, I don't want to be alone AND I'm not suggesting I want to dominate. I just want a mutually respectful relationship where we honor our differences and share our similarities and where we don't make each other wrong. Is that too much to ask for? I think not.

So, how many of you do what I did? I heard on GMA this morning that single women in this country are now 51% of the population. Unbelievable. Maybe we don't need relationship, but maybe we want relationship. I do. And, I'm fine on my own, and strong, and more.

Point: Love who you are, be who you are and don't let anyone else try to change you... unless you want to make some improvements and have support to do it. And, accept how funny life is in giving you incredible lessons to learn.

Have a glorious day. I'll be back soon.
Ann